Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
