a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
