I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
