The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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