my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
