you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize