his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
