i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you made out with another girl for some wings
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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