Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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