She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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