kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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