Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
