Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
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