Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
