Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
