names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
