Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
