worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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