Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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