i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
