You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i've created a new STD.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
