Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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