So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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