I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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