you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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