Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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