If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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