My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
