so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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