I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
