hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
