4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize