he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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