I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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