I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
