Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
