I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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