Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
