This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
