took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
