I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He shit in the fireplace
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
