Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
