My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
