70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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