Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
