Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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