We won't sleep together?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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