i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
