She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Holy sore nipples Batman
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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