is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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