Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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