Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
