it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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