Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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