how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize