My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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