Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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