ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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