I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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