im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
