don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
