well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
