you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
