I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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