Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What drink are we having for lunch?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
