Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
