a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize