apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
