listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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