Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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